what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
