Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
