He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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