You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
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