We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Randomize
