Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
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