well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
