she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
