the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
