I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
