and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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