Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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