Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
