She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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