I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
