I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
