ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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