I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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