Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
