Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
