Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
