Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
