I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
you guys were way drunker than both of me
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
