i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
