Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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