god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
