The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
