He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
