I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
