Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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