Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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