her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
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