I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
