I can feel you judging me through the phone.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
