you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
