if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
