When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
