Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
He did a backflip because drugs
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
