watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
