at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Randomize
