Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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