So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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