Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
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