I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I will pee on everything he values.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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