Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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