Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
