this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
