im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
