My room smells like vodka and shame
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
