3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
