I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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