all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I love you. Go after that dick
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
